I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
