i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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