3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
