he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
