new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
