So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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