Do you still have your period?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
