nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
