My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
