we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
