All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
