Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
