ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
