Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
