He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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