Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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