just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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