Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
