this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
