You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
someone owes me an orgasm
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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