you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
love makes seman taste better
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
