I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
