Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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