like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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