where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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