he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize