Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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