he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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