Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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