we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I didn't notice because vodka
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
