What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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