Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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