A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
