i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
