my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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