Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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