Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
