Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize