when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
