....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
