i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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