Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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