ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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