White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
