i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
