Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
