I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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