She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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