Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
