vagina is talking i cant
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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