I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
