There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need a beard to bite.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
