i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
3 2 1 whiskey
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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