I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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