Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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