Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
