I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
