i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
operation have a gay friend backfired
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
