We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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